The Marriage on Life Support
Arjun, 40, sat in my consultation room alone, shoulders slumped. "We're probably getting divorced," he said flatly. "Ten years of marriage, and we've reached the point where we can barely stand to be in the same room."
His wife Sana, 38, had refused to come. "She thinks therapy and healing are pointless," Arjun explained. "She's just...done."
Their story was painfully common: Two people who once loved each other deeply, now buried under years of resentment, misunderstandings, unresolved conflicts, and accumulated hurts.
The Spiral of Resentment
Arjun described their relationship pattern:
Small Hurt → Unaddressed → Grows into Resentment → New Conflict → More Hurt → Deeper Resentment
Over ten years, this spiral had created a mountain of grievances:
- Arjun felt unappreciated for his work and financial providing
- Sana felt unsupported in parenting and household responsibilities
- Both felt criticized and defensive
- Communication had devolved into blame and contempt
- Physical and emotional intimacy had disappeared
- They stayed together "for the kids" but both were miserable
"We're basically roommates who resent each other," Arjun said. "I don't even remember what it felt like to be in love."
The Last Chance
Arjun came to me as a last resort before filing divorce papers. "A friend mentioned Ho'oponopono for relationship healing. I don't know what it is, but I'm willing to try anything."
I explained that Ho'oponopono is an ancient Hawaiian practice of reconciliation and forgiveness, using four simple yet profound phrases:
- I'm sorry - Taking 100% responsibility
- Please forgive me - Asking for divine forgiveness
- Thank you - Gratitude for healing
- I love you - Transmuting with love
"The practice isn't about determining who's right or wrong," I explained. "It's about each person taking full responsibility for clearing their part in the conflict energetically."
Arjun was skeptical but desperate. We started individual sessions with him, working on his role in the marriage dynamics.
Arjun's Individual Work
Taking Responsibility
The hardest part for Arjun was the concept of taking "100% responsibility" for the marriage problems.
"But she does things that are wrong!" he protested. "I can't be responsible for her actions."
I explained: "You're not responsible for her actions. You're responsible for how you hold the situation energetically, for the memories and patterns you're carrying that contribute to the dynamic."
As Arjun worked with the Ho'oponopono phrases around specific grievances, something shifted:
Before Ho'oponopono: "She never appreciates what I do" → Victim, resentful
After Ho'oponopono: "I'm sorry for needing her appreciation to feel valued. Please forgive me for making my worth dependent on her acknowledgment. Thank you for showing me this pattern. I love the opportunity to grow."
"It's weird," Arjun admitted. "Saying the phrases, I felt the grip of resentment loosening. I could see my own patterns - how I'd been seeking validation from her instead of valuing myself."
The Unexpected Invitation
After three individual sessions, Arjun came with news: "Sana noticed changes in me. I'm less defensive, less reactive. She asked what I've been doing. I told her about Ho'oponopono, and... she wants to try it."
Sana Joins the Journey
Sana came to her first session guarded and skeptical. "I don't believe in magic fixes," she said clearly. "But Arjun has been different lately - calmer, kinder. If this is helping him, I'll try it."
We started with her individual work:
Clearing Her Resentments
Sana had her own mountain of grievances. As we worked through them with Ho'oponopono:
Resentment: "He never helps with the kids" Ho'oponopono Process: Discovering her own pattern of not asking directly because she believed she "shouldn't have to ask"
Resentment: "He criticizes everything I do" Ho'oponopono Process: Realizing she criticized him first (his work hours, his parenting) and he was responding in kind
"I didn't want to see my part," Sana admitted. "It was easier to blame him. But as I practiced the phrases, I could feel how my resentment was poisoning both of us."
Their First Joint Session
When Arjun and Sana came together for a Ho'oponopono session, there was still tension, but also something new: curiosity.
The Clearing Process
I guided them through a specific Ho'oponopono practice for couples:
Step 1: Sit facing each other - Initially resistant, gradually softening
Step 2: Silent eye contact - Seeing the hurt in each other's eyes
Step 3: Each person silently practices the four phrases - Directing them toward the other person and the relationship
Step 4: Spoken acknowledgment - "I'm sorry for my part in our pain"
"The eye contact was the hardest part," Arjun recalled. "I'd been avoiding really looking at her for so long. When I did, I saw how much pain she was in - pain I'd contributed to. My heart broke open."
Sana's experience was similar: "I saw the man I fell in love with behind all the years of conflict. I remembered why I married him. And I felt genuine sorrow for my role in our suffering."
The Daily Practice
I gave them a daily Ho'oponopono practice:
Morning Ritual (2-3 minutes each)
Before starting the day, each person silently directs the four phrases toward:
- Their partner
- Their marriage
- Themselves
- Any specific conflict or resentment
Conflict Tool
When conflict arose, instead of escalating, they would:
- Take a pause
- Each person practice the four phrases silently
- Return to the conversation with softer energy
"At first, it felt mechanical," Sana shared. "But after a few weeks, something shifted. The phrases were actually changing how I felt, not just what I said."
The Transformation Unfolds
Over six months, their marriage transformed:
Month 1-2:
- Conflicts decreased in intensity and frequency
- Could stay calm during disagreements
- Started having actual conversations instead of fights
- Resentment felt less heavy
Month 3-4:
- Genuine warmth returning
- Physical affection resumed (holding hands, hugs)
- Laughed together for the first time in years
- Worked as a team with kids instead of against each other
Month 5-6:
- Deep emotional intimacy restored
- Physical intimacy returning naturally
- Actively choosing each other daily
- Fell in love again - but differently, deeper
The Renewed Marriage
One year after Arjun first came for healing, the couple sits in my office together, holding hands:
"We're not the same couple we were ten years ago," Arjun said. "We're better. We've been through hell and came out the other side stronger."
Sana added: "Ho'oponopono didn't just save our marriage. It taught us how to actually love each other - with forgiveness, responsibility, and grace."
What Changed:
Communication:
- From blame and criticism → responsibility and compassion
- Actually listening instead of defensively preparing responses
- Expressing needs clearly instead of expecting mind-reading
Conflict Resolution:
- From winning/losing → both people healing
- Using Ho'oponopono as immediate conflict de-escalation
- Clearing resentments before they accumulate
Daily Connection:
- Morning Ho'oponopono practice together
- Regular check-ins and appreciation
- Prioritizing their relationship, not just kids/work
Intimacy:
- Emotional vulnerability returned
- Physical connection natural and joyful
- Spiritual partnership deepening
The Ripple Effect
The transformation in their marriage affected their entire family:
Children: More peaceful home environment, parents modeling healthy conflict resolution
Extended Family: Arjun and Sana's healing inspired his parents to address their own marriage issues
Friends: Several couples have started Ho'oponopono practice after witnessing the transformation
Work: Both more peaceful and productive without marriage stress
Continuing the Practice
Arjun and Sana maintain their Ho'oponopono practice:
"It's not like we never fight anymore," Arjun clarified. "But we have tools. When conflict arises, we can clear it before it becomes toxic resentment."
Sana added: "The four phrases have become part of how we relate. When I mess up, I genuinely say 'I'm sorry' and mean it. When he does something hurtful, I can forgive and release instead of storing it up."
They also attend monthly couples Ho'oponopono sessions for maintenance and deepening.
The Wisdom Gained
Key insights from their journey:
"Ho'oponopono taught us that marriage isn't about finding the perfect person or never having conflict. It's about choosing forgiveness over resentment, responsibility over blame, and love over being right. Every day, we get to choose to clear our hearts and show up with love."
Lessons learned:
- Both partners must participate in healing for relationship transformation
- Taking responsibility isn't admitting fault - it's empowerment
- Forgiveness is ongoing practice - not one-time event
- Resentment is poison - clearing it regularly is essential
- Love is a choice - made daily through practice
Your Relationship Healing Awaits
If your relationship is struggling with resentment, conflict, or disconnection, Ho'oponopono can help:
What Ho'oponopono Can Help With:
- Accumulated resentments and unresolved conflicts
- Communication breakdowns
- Loss of intimacy and connection
- Blame and criticism cycles
- Considering separation or divorce
- Post-affair healing
- Family conflicts affecting marriage
- Rekindling love and connection
What to Expect:
- Individual sessions to clear personal patterns
- Couples sessions for joint healing
- Practical tools for daily use
- Conflict resolution techniques
- Ongoing support for maintenance
- Transformation not just coping
Ready to Heal Your Relationship?
You don't have to stay stuck in resentment and conflict. Ho'oponopono offers a path to forgiveness, healing, and renewed love.
Book your Ho'oponopono session (individual or couples) and begin transforming your relationship. If you're uncertain about starting, a Clarity Calling session can help you understand your options.
Arjun and Sana's story has been shared with their permission. Names and details have been modified to protect privacy while celebrating their healing journey.
Transform conflict into connection. Contact us at hello@manoorama.in or call +91 94376 83507 to book Ho'oponopono healing in Rourkela, Odisha.